Parental alienation

If you or your children are in danger, call 911. For confidential support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988.

What the term describes

Imagine a 12-year-old who used to light up at weekend visits with her father. Over a few months, she refuses to go, repeats adult phrases about him she could not have come up with herself, and says she has no good memories at all. Her father wonders if he is being erased. Her mother says the girl is simply speaking for herself. Both are frightened.

Parental alienation is a term for a pattern in which a child strongly and persistently rejects one parent, and that rejection is attributed to the other parent’s influence rather than to the rejected parent’s own behavior. Behaviors often discussed include one parent repeatedly disparaging the other, interfering with contact, or pulling the child into adult conflict (see triangulation).

Syndrome, reformulation and diagnosis

Psychiatrist Richard Gardner coined “parental alienation syndrome” in the 1980s, describing it as a disorder. His version drew heavy criticism. In 2001, Joan Kelly and Janet Johnston published a reformulation in Family Court Review that shifted focus to the alienated child and stressed that many forces can contribute, including intense marital conflict, a humiliating separation, prolonged litigation and each parent’s behavior. They distinguished alienated children from children who resist contact for understandable reasons, such as estrangement after a parent’s harmful conduct.

Parental alienation syndrome does not appear in the DSM-5. William Bernet and colleagues, who have argued for recognizing alienation, note that the DSM-5 instead includes “child affected by parental relationship distress,” a relational problem that can include, in extreme cases, a child’s alienation from a parent.

Why parental alienation is so contested

The debate centers on how alienation claims play out in court, especially alongside allegations of abuse.

• Law professor Joan Meier’s 2020 study of a decade of U.S. custody decisions reported that mothers who alleged abuse were more likely to lose custody, and that fathers’ cross-claims of alienation roughly doubled that risk.
• Researchers Jennifer Harman and Demosthenes Lorandos analyzed 967 appellate cases and concluded that most courts carefully weigh allegations of family violence. Meier and colleagues published a rebuttal disputing their methods.
• A 2023 report to the UN Human Rights Council by the Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls sharply criticized the use of alienation claims in custody cases involving domestic violence, and some researchers disputed its evidence.

Thoughtful professionals land in different places. What most agree on: a child’s rejection of a parent has many possible causes, and each family deserves careful assessment rather than a label.

Common misconceptions

“A checklist can tell me if it is alienation.” Lists of “signs of parental alienation” online cannot sort out causes. Developmentally normal alignment, a loyalty conflict, a rejected parent’s own harshness, and abuse can all look similar from the outside.

“Only one parent contributes.” Kelly and Johnston’s model describes contributions from both parents, the child and the legal process.

Custody questions in Michigan

In Michigan, the Friend of the Court may investigate and make custody and parenting time recommendations to the judge, weighing best-interest factors that include domestic violence. The FOC cannot give legal advice. For questions about custody, alienation claims or abuse allegations, talk with a family law attorney.

When to talk with a therapist

A therapist does not decide custody, and should not take sides in a legal dispute without a clear role. But family therapy or individual therapy can support a grieving parent, help a child who feels torn, and reduce conflict when it is safe to do so. Where there is violence, coercion or fear, joint sessions and couples therapy are generally not recommended; individual support and safety planning come first. Courts sometimes order reunification therapy, which carries its own debates.