Seven-year itch
A catchy phrase about restlessness in long relationships, checked against what researchers have actually found.
Key takeaways
- The seven-year itch is a cultural phrase, made famous by a 1950s play and the 1955 film adaptation, not a research term.
- A Census Bureau report found first marriages that ended in divorce lasted a median of about eight years, with separation about a year earlier.
- Later American Community Survey analyses put the median closer to 11 to 12 years, so the timing is not fixed at seven.
- Lawrence Kurdek's 10-year study found an early dip in marital quality and a second one around year eight.
- Other studies show most spouses stay fairly satisfied, with steep declines concentrated in a smaller group.
What does the seven-year itch mean?
Imagine a couple in year seven: two kids, a mortgage in Grand Rapids, a shared calendar full of practices and pickups. Nothing is wrong, exactly. But one partner catches themselves daydreaming about a different life, and the other has started to feel more like a roommate than a spouse. “Is this the seven-year itch?” they wonder.
The phrase refers to the idea that restlessness, boredom or temptation tends to rise around the seventh year of a marriage. It became famous through George Axelrod’s 1952 Broadway comedy and the 1955 Billy Wilder film starring Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell. It is a cultural idea, not a clinical one.
Is the seven-year itch real? What divorce data shows
The number seven is more folklore than fact, but the broader pattern has some support.
- Divorce timing. A U.S. Census Bureau report using 2009 survey data found that first marriages ending in divorce lasted a median of about eight years, and that the median time to separation was about seven years.
- Different data, different numbers. An analysis from Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research, using American Community Survey data from 2008 to 2012, found a median first-marriage duration at divorce of 11.1 to 12.3 years. Timing shifts with the economy, the survey and who is counted.
- Dips in satisfaction. Psychologist Lawrence Kurdek followed newlywed couples for 10 years and found marital quality declined early, stabilized and then declined again around the eighth year. He suggested the second dip was often linked to the demands of raising young children.
There is also encouraging news. When Justin Lavner and Thomas Bradbury tracked newlyweds, they found that the average decline in satisfaction hid very different paths. Most spouses stayed relatively satisfied, while substantial declines were concentrated among those who started out less satisfied.
Why restlessness can show up mid-marriage
When an itch does appear, it usually has ordinary causes. Novelty fades. Parenting and careers crowd out time alone together. Unresolved disagreements, what the Gottman Institute calls perpetual problems, have had years to harden into gridlock. And people change: the partner you married at 27 may want different things at 35.
Restlessness can be a signal that the relationship needs updating, not proof that it has run its course.
Common misconceptions
“Every marriage gets the itch.” Research shows many couples never experience a sharp drop in satisfaction.
“If we make it past year seven, we’re safe.” Relationships need tending at every stage, and some challenges, like the empty nest, come much later.
“Feeling restless means I married the wrong person.” It more often means something in the relationship, or in you, is asking for attention.
What may help
- Name it together. Saying “I’ve been feeling flat” is less threatening than silently withdrawing.
- Add novelty. New shared experiences, from a weekend up north to a class together, can reawaken interest.
- Protect couple time from the logistics of kids and work, even in small doses.
- Revisit what each of you wants for the next chapter, as you would if you were meeting fresh.
The stages of a relationship entry describes how couples often move through cycles of closeness and change.
When to talk with a therapist
If the itch has turned into steady distance, frequent conflict or temptation outside the marriage, it may be time for outside support. Marriage counseling can help partners understand what has shifted and decide together what comes next. For broader patterns, see marriage problems. Iryna Morhunova-Sutton, LLMFT, meets with couples online from anywhere in Michigan.
Common questions
When do most divorces happen?
It depends on the data source. A U.S. Census Bureau report found first marriages ending in divorce lasted a median of about eight years in 2009 data, with separation about a year earlier. American Community Survey analyses for 2008 to 2012 put the median closer to 11 to 12 years. Divorce can happen at any stage, including later in life.
What year of marriage is the hardest?
There is no single hardest year. Research has found an early decline in marital quality as couples adjust to new roles, and some studies find a second dip later, often linked to the stress of raising young children. Many couples, though, stay fairly satisfied throughout, so difficult years are common but not universal.
Where does the phrase seven-year itch come from?
The phrase was popularized by George Axelrod's 1952 Broadway play The Seven Year Itch and the 1955 film adaptation directed by Billy Wilder, starring Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell. It has since become shorthand for restlessness in long-term relationships, though it is not based on research.
How do you get through the seven-year itch?
Talk openly about feeling restless before it turns into withdrawal, add new shared experiences, protect time as a couple and revisit your goals for the next stage of life. If distance or conflict has become entrenched, couples or marriage counseling can help you understand what has changed and what you each need.
Sources
- Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2009 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2011)
- Press release on Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2009 (U.S. Census Bureau)
- Median Duration of First Marriage and the Great Recession (Payne, NCFMR, Bowling Green State University, FP-14-20)
- Predicting the Seven Year Itch (American Psychological Association release on Kurdek, Developmental Psychology, 1999)
- Patterns of Change in Marital Satisfaction Over the Newlywed Years (Lavner and Bradbury, Journal of Marriage and Family, 2010)
- The Seven Year Itch, 1955 film record (ACMI)